“Back then, in the midst of it all, I became convinced that I was a man with nothing to him, nothing in him, a worthless blank.”
I wrote these words in March, as I started to share the story of my 2018 breakdown with a small list of my newsletter readers.
I had decided to put the experience into a book, and wanted a small, safe audience to accompany me through the work in progress.
“With hindsight I can see that I brought into the hospital many things that would help to save me. I’m particularly thinking of insights I’d picked up from people I’d met as a journalist and as a theatrical improviser.”
To start with the journalism, I met many fascinating people and learned so much from them as feature writer on the Financial Times magazine.
I left that job long ago, but it will always remain a part of me. That’s why I added the FT’s pink to several pages in my book – including the drawing here of me doing yoga, at a time when I wasn’t allowed outside the hospital unaccompanied.
That’s the picture I chose for the front cover of the book, A Speccy Man Has A Breakdown.
It is now available as a hardback, published in a limited edition of 250 copies.
I’ve published seven “proper” books before, in 16 languages, but chose to publish this one myself. I didn’t like the idea of putting something so personal out there and waiting to hear from a stranger whether they thought it was “any good”.
I can tell you myself: it’s very good!
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