A Speccy Man Has A Breakdown - day 54

Hear me read this.

<< Day 49

Every day, thousands of people ask me this question: how can I publish an illustrated book about time I spent in psychiatric hospital?

But that’s a bit of an exaggeration, because literally nobody has ever asked me that question.

My conclusion is that most people who have spent time in psychiatric hospital don’t really want to talk about it.

And yet there seems to be a certain amount of interest in other people’s stories about it.

After Harriet posted about the book on Instagram a couple of days ago (update: last week, actually), a few journalists have been in touch – all of them with her, rather than with me. Press, radio.

We haven’t decided how to proceed.

***

Years ago, before the pandemic and before most people had even heard of Zoom, I used that video platform to interview the American author Brene Brown, for The Guardian, on the publication of her book Daring Greatly.

I remember that she was on her laptop and she carried it unsteadily from one room to another, along a corridor – a pleasing novelty, which also made me feel a little seasick.

By then, Brown was already famous for a TED talk that had spread fast – a talk in which she asked the live audience two questions:

1. How many of you struggle to be vulnerable because you think of vulnerability as weakness? (Hands shot up across the room.)
2. When you watched people on this stage being vulnerable, how many of you thought it was courageous? (Again, hands shot up across the room.)

Her summary, on behalf of all humanity: I want to experience your vulnerability but I don’t want to be vulnerable.

Also: We can’t let ourselves be seen if we are terrified by what people think.

At the heart of all this is shame, she concludes. And shame isn’t something reserved only for people who have experienced something unspeakably traumatic. “Shame is something we all experience.”

I certainly felt a huge amount of shame in psychiatric hospital. What was wrong with me? Why was I such a despicable specimen of humanity? Such a failure?

Well, pah.

I’m not so bad.

***

But that doesn’t make it easy for me to say yes to an hour-long radio interview about a difficult time, sitting beside the person who experienced the worst of it with me.

One of the readers of these Speccy Breakdown posts / emails got in touch when I last mentioned the press interest:

I know that you and H are seasoned media pros, and have a huge amount of experience in the industry, and I am sure the people who want to feature you are known to you, and can be trusted, AND I felt a pang of anxiety on your behalf. If you say yes, you will – I have absolutely no doubt – do other people so much good; my concern for you is being ruthlessly clear about what good it will do you.

Authors desperately wish for media attention. It’s wonderful to have any interest. And they say that no publicity is bad publicity. I’m not convinced about that.

I don’t know what to do.

I drafted this several days ago. We took a much needed break in Dorset, which would have been more like a break if I hadn’t gone and started sharing about the book on social media, and Harriet too.

Just 195 copies of the limited edition hardback remain available.
Know someone who’d like one? Please pass this on.

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👉 If you or someone you know is struggling, please call a crisis line (in the UK, Samaritans on 116 123), and / or take a look at Reasons To Stay.

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Start from the beginning here.