A Speccy Man Has A Breakdown - day 23

Listen to me reading this.

<< Day 21 (I skipped day 22)

One of the problems I’ve been wrestling with: how to populate the book with other people, without intruding on their stories or showing anyone else’s face in photographs.

The answer could be to draw them.

These are three friends from university – Martin, Will and Adam. I drew them from old photographs this week, as part of my work on the book. I’m not sure all three (or any?) will make the final cut. But I enjoyed making them.

Me (left) with Martin. My first black tie event. He’d done this before.

Will (left) with me. Guns drawn in a student bedroom. Nobody was harmed.

Me (left) with Adam. We are not the Pet Shop Boys.

These are the people I messaged from hospital, certain I would never hear from them again.

I was so wrong.

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This week I also drew two pictures from the breakdown itself – not from ancient photos, but photos taken in 2018.

One is a drawing of a selfie with Steve, another university flatmate, who was the first to visit me in hospital and shared that photo with the others on WhatsApp:

The other is a drawing of a FaceTime call with Adam, who lives outside London and called me in hospital, a little later, from Gloucestershire:

I hate looking at the selfie with Steve. I’m smiling – and it’s true that I was delighted to see him, relieved not to have been abandoned. But what I see now is a terribly fragile, broken version of myself.

(I should say: I messaged my friends this morning to ask permission before sharing these drawings. All four said yes.)

At the time of writing, 222 copies of this limited edition book remain available. If you’d like one, buying options and shipping costs are here.

Crikey, four days to go.

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👉 For a change, today: if you or someone you know is struggling please call a crisis line, and / or take a look at Reasons To Stay.

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Start from the beginning here.