Postcards from the edge #1

Sketches from my breakdown

Psychiatric hospital: depression and anxiety. Nurses took away anything I might use to harm myself.

I was churning with emotion: shame, at finding myself there; guilt, for the effect on my family; and self-pity, that my life seemed to have fallen apart.

Though expecting to stay for a week I forgot to pack a toothbrush. But I did bring pens and a sketchbook.

Lying on my bed, I drew:

1. the view from my third-floor room
2. what I imagined to be the view from the ceiling, as I was examined and
3. what I imagined was to be found inside me (nothing)
4. what was going on in my head.

Click photos to enlarge.

That was quite a while ago. I’m a lot better now.

Back to normal (whatever that is) but with the awareness that this can happen.

Why am I sharing this? Because I know how lonely it can be.

If you are depressed or anxious, please talk to somebody.

It’s going to be OK.

***

POSTSCRIPT

I first posted this on Instagram in 2020. I’d been off social media for a long time, and received quite a lot of comments.

Sharing them because a) they make me happy and b) they might encourage someone else to see that there could be similar support out there.

Welcome back! We have never met, and yes, I did miss you. Thank you for the perfect drawings. Looking forward to the day we do meet. ❤️ – Dale Dudeck

This is so loving and generous JP. Really moving to read. Thank you. Debora Harding

I just love your drawings, they are so full of emotion and honesty. I’m so glad that you’re feeling better. Good to see you back. I’ve missed you. Ronanni Spreafico

Randomly picked up your book ‘How to Change the World’ last night, thank you for all you have done and still do, you are an inspiration! Catherine Gennard

You have been through so much. And you have emerged. And there is hope for so many people in your story. ❤️🙏❤️🙏 – Hampstead Parish Church

Thank you for sharing 😔 I love these drawings – Catherine Davies

I liked that, the blues and the honesty. I felt engaged. – Wendy Jones

Hi, you wouldn’t be as brilliant a drawer, or have the imagination that you do, or have all the people that love you like they do if you didn’t have that nugget (can’t think of another word) the grit in the oyster in your personality that made that happen… About 7 years ago I got Tinnitus, I went totally off the rails for 8 months, must have had a sort of breakdown, terrible anxiety, couldn’t eat (every cloud !!😘😘😘) cried all the time, looked in the mirror knew it was me but wasn’t me, couldn’t focus on kids, husband, work, everybody got worried and all because of a tiny hiss in my ear, then one day after 8 months I read something about Tinnitus by totally chance and it changed everything and I started to get better, I look back and i’am really glad it happened as has given me more depth as a person and made me realise that all of us can tip over into it at any time… anyway sorry it’s so long .. and probably has loads of typos but don’t want to lose it and start again !! Thank you for posting and sharing, it’s bloody great what you did, insta bit boring with all the Love and Fab it’s refreshing to read something with a bit of substance !!! x – Francesca Kaye

Thank you for sharing these pictures. You are a lucky person, you have a powerful skill that can capture feelings and emotions on a page. I understand it’s not easy to share, but I’m glad you’ve chosen to use your drawings to highlight mental health awareness week; it would be good if we could all learn to draw with the same honesty as you. Sorry to see that your mind was looking so busy, but also good to see that there was some music playing, I hope it helped with your recovery. Take care ❤️ – Julia Moore

No shame 👏👏♥️♥️ – Laura de la Mare

Sorry to hear you went through that JP. XX – Ellie Good

As someone who has received treatment for trauma, depression, and anxiety… I feel you and thank you! Many of our co-survivors have commented and joked that the rest of the world has merely caught up to our version of “normal.” – Peter Durand

Glad you’re better now!😊 – Susan House

Hope you’re keeping ok, JP 💜 – Woman’s Trust

Sending a big hug ❤️❤️❤️ – Mandy Lehto

I still remember and am thankful of your warm energy towards me and other youth in Korea, who were struggling between doing right and feeling powerless. That was in 2014, and your energy has been going around the world through my hearts, ones who participated in our project, youth and children in Kenya, youth in E. Africa region and ones in USA and Europe 😌 Sending a big love on behalf of everyone 🖤 – Bobae Lee