Holey Man [LinkedOut]
Drew this when I was in a bad way, with depression and anxiety.
At the time, I was drawing lots of pictures of this speccy man (me), to make sense of how I was feeling. This one’s called “Holey man, or man full of holes.”
I used the pictures when I gave talks inside big companies and professional services firms. Big firms like Slaughter and May1, Linklaters, Freshfields2, and others too3.
I wouldn’t have said this at the time because I believed I was profoundly worthless, but the talks were a great success. They opened up a wider conversation4.
If one person goes first, speaks openly and honestly, then others will follow.
Several times, people contacted me directly to say they had sought help after hearing me speak.
This post originally appeared on LinkedIn.
Here on my website I’ve added footnotes and links
I don’t LOVE talking about mental health. I have a terrible fear that I am destined to become Mr Mental Health. That everyone will think I’m just a really depressing specimen.
I prefer to talk about other things:
- books I’ve written, which include FUNNY BITS.
- improvisational theatre shenanigans5.
- art I make, which can be vibrant and zingy and full of joy – attempts to capture the beauty of the world around us, and the people in it.
I’ve talked about these things to audiences as big as 5,000 people6, on four continents. So why, today, am I posting a picture of myself as a Holey Man?
Because I just read something on LinkedIn about someone in one of the big professions taking his own life, and I remember a promise I made to myself in psychiatric hospital:
KEEP TALKING about this.
***
Every day or so, during the weeks I was there, someone was admitted to the hospital – and to my group therapy sessions – having been lucky enough to fail in a suicide attempt the previous day.
Over several weeks, I saw a lot of people.
Before then, as a journalist on the Sunday Times I’d had the dismal, bitter experience of being sent again and again to interview people about suicide. Most were bereaved relatives, but some had tried and failed to take their own lives. One man, Kevin Hines, had jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. It’s a four-second drop, so the force of impact is – well, you can imagine. Also: the water is freezing cold. And there are sharks.
For these reasons, most people don’t survive the jump. But this man, Kevin, “only” broke several vertebrae on impact. And he was lucky enough to be seen falling, so he could be dredged out before he froze and before the Great Whites got him.
When I interviewed Kevin, he said he regretted jumping “the moment my hand left the rail”.
Please read that again!
Life is short enough as it is. Don’t make it shorter.
Should I add that I still do talks occasionally about my breakdown and recovery? Well, if I didn’t mention it you wouldn’t know.
***
Originally posted on LinkedIn, where the comments included:
"Keep talking John-Paul Flintoff - the world will ALWAYS need to hear what you have to say 🙏🌟" — Amanda Barry
"You are the gift that keeps on giving, in more and more and deeper ways. Last week, you indirectly gave an anonymous gift to some of the other CTI faculty in the form of your long-ago final exam, which I occasionally share to this day (thank you for allowing me that) as an example of what is possible when student have full permission to express themselves fully and genuinely. If you ever need an audience to preview your work prior to widespread publication, count me in! If you ever need a bit more support to lean into yourself, ditto. As one who has never stopped marveling at you, it would be an honor. " — Ariane Cherbuliez
"I love your honesty and vulnerability JP. You are a holey man but in such a beautiful and inspiring way. Perhaps a holey man without the ‘e’. I remember meeting you on many occasion and thinking how fearful and boring I am in comparison to your wonderful charisma, creativity and humour - writing, creating and doing improv. It is a privilege to know you." — Anna Guyer
"John-Paul, I am successfully treated chemically for OCD and Depression and when I got on the meds, life changed for the better. Yup, I do speak up about mental health because my success and happiness escalated exponentially. There was life before meds and life after, and this boomer won’t go back." — Andrew Turnbull
"When I’m depressed, it seems the entire world around me is depressed." — Don Nelson
"Powerful image. Thank you for sharing. As always you capture so so much." — Esther Raphael
" John-Paul Flintoff your posts always set such a high bar for fluency, vulnerability and artistic creativity that I feel a little bit naked trying to reply (apologies for any mental images!) - but I just want to thank you for your deeply worthwhile courage and integrity." — Francis Norton
"Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability, John-Paul Flintoff 😊🙏🏻" — Gloria Ruby Ramirez
" The talk is brilliant - impactful and inspiring and so important. People who are struggling need to know that there is empathy and hope out there 🙏" — Joanne Gubbay
"VULNERABLE IS TRUE- and I have seldom read such a true post as about fragility and talking about it. "Holey Man". So apt. Regret and impulsivity: you hear that a lot. The data only shows more vulnerability, not less, as social media and geopolitics has generated an era of anxiety which is so acute that for some people ChatGPT provides the only supportive voice anyone has access to." — Julia Hobsbawm
" I read your post today. oh boy. Ten thousand holes on John Paul Flintoff's head. And though the holes were very small, he had to count them all. Now they know many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall." — James Wilson
"Oddly enough, I saw your post just moments after I'd posted: "Sometimes I need to remind myself that so far, despite my fears, or even occasional desires that it might be otherwise, my success rate for getting to be end of the day and not being killed by my own stupidity, or the idiocy of others, is 100%" Definitely felt the connection :)" — Kim Ayres
"John-Paul Flintoff whenever you think of yourself as a ‘really depressing specimen’ stop and think of all the people you have undoubtedly saved by your honesty, your openness and your first-hand experiences. That sounds to me like a pretty amazing ‘specimen’! Please keep inspiring others and accept that your worth is unbounded ." — Kate Hartigan
"Keep talking to us, John-Paul. Thank you." — Mike Rose
"Great post John-Paul Flintoff . Yes keep talking about it. You never know how many lives you will save as a consequence. That is a wonderful life purpose." — Marie Smith
"Thank you for sharing your good, bad, and "holey" moments. This week, I returned from a precious 18-day road trip with my young adult daughters. The last day of the trip, I was lying in bed with a fever and a headful of fears and anxieties. The first day back "at work" in my studio, I started the first Zoom call at 8am. At exactly 15:56, right before my last virtual meeting of the day, I started crying. A big, messy, “embarassed-if-I-saw-my-own-father-cry-this-way” type of sobbing. It was all the emotions... gratitude, dread, fear that I was letting everyone down, shame that I hadn't figured out life or business at my age. I had to join the call with the camera off and the half-truth that I was sparing people from my puffy post-illness eyes. Annnnnddddd.... I shared this moment with other adults and middle-aged parents in my life who could identify — just as you do, John-Paul Flintoff! It makes it easier—and healthier— for others, especially fathers, to admit the uncomfortable bits so we do not flounder in isolation with the “holes” replicating and taking over the picture!" — Peter Durand
"A moving post John-Paul — and all the more moving because of your honesty (when most LinkedIn posts are of the 'I got a promotion' variety). But also very moving because I would NEVER have seen you as someone prone to depression . . . For me, as a downtrodden sub-editor, I was in awe of you at the FT as a charismatic feature wrriter — and now artist!" — Paul David Gould
"Oh gosh, John-Paul. This. Please keep speaking out." — Patrick McCann
"So inspiring as always Japes. Keep Talking and I really hope to hear your Talks up here one of these fine days. We all have cracks and those of us that are brave enough to share are the Greatest, not all can relate. Did you ever read Heart Shaped Bullet by Kathryn Flett / such a marvellous book." — Rachel Meddowes
"You've been an important source of (and direct line to) support for me, both personal and professional varieties. But in this ocean of strangers that is the internet, I doubt I would have ever paid you much attention, much less cared to connect, EXCEPT for your public openness on the topic of mental health, so I'm really grateful for your willingness to take on that burden. I still don't think of you as a "mental health guy," though. (Although there's plenty worse you could be.) I have also seen people leaning into that "mental health person" role here on LinkedIn, and it often seems ... less than genuine. For what it's worth, I think you're in no danger of that, and the people I see surrounding you (here and elsewhere) seem to echo my feelings. IMO, your instincts are not only serving you well, but also those whose lives you touch. I think it would be great if you could just keep doing what you are doing. " — Ryan Turpin
"I appreciate this post, John-Paul. I wrote recently about an aspect of my own mental health, my relationship to autism: https://www.ft.com/content/d1baecc6-438e-4846-a515-13592c4c74f4 But autism certainly isn't the whole story. I've thought a lot about the person who survived the fall from the Golden Gate Bridge and how he said he regretted his decision. It's a profound thing to think about, that people might take such a dreadful, irreversible step and suddenly realise, too late, that they still have that deep urge to live. It's a thing to cling to in the darkest times, even if it sometimes feels a rather flimsy lifebelt. But it's also, I think, a reminder of how we've got in us the seeds of an ability to recover. We come back from the darkest times and we're glad we're still around to experience new joys. We've also not inflicted on others the horror of the messy grief and loss that will always come after a suicide." — Robert Wright
"So glad we’ve ‘sort of’ met John-Paul. Connecting feels real, so very open & honest. Thank you for posting." — Sue Ormerod
"I love that you combine art with mental health, with your personal experience. It matters. Particularly for men who find it hard to express what they're going through (mental health wise). I'm learning more about what support is needed for men to open up honestly and being more comfortable with vulnerable moments. I think it's a societal shift as we hear and see many people like yourself be brave enough to share their own experiences. It sparks off the idea "I can share my experience too" and that's massive 💫" — Tanya Geddes
1 Slaughter and May. Here’s what happened at the first of those talks, from the point of view of the woman who brought me in to do it.
2 Freshfields. Screenshot of feedback, including “That was one of the most profound and incredible stories I have ever come across or heard. I am staggered at his strength and bravery I wept, I laughed and hearing colleagues sharing their thoughts and questions was very very powerful. Thank you.”
3 Others too. Screenshot of feedback, reading “My goodness, this packed an enormous emotional punch. I can’t imagine what it must have taken to stand up and talk about yourself in such a raw and candid way. Incredible. I sensed a certain amount of gratitude in that ripple of laughter after you mentioned REDACTED, a brief moment of lightheartedness that underlined a sense of the audience being in safe hands.”
4 Wider conversation. This <5 video on YouTube was recorded soon after one of the talks I delivered, and gives a sense of the raw, personal feedback I received
5 Improvisational theatre shenanigans. I trained with the best, Keith Johnstone, and I went on to teach others.
6 5000 people. It takes a long time walking across a stage with audiences that big.
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If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it by email or on social media. Here's the link. Thanks, JPF.