A reader of A Speccy Man Has a Breakdown wrote to me on 3 July.
I feel the need to write to let you know what I think, having read it a couple of times, but it’s difficult to know what to say as the book generated so many emotions in me.
At a simplistic level I loved the artwork, or at least most of it – some of the drawings from your time in hospital scarily represented how bad you must have felt then. But the use of your younger self as an alter ego was very touching, as were the ones towards the end when you were feeling more positive.
I suppose my strongest emotion was to think how brave it was of you to write it at all. Never having had to process this type of illness myself I can only guess at how hard it must be to delve back into a horrid past and recreate it, so that others can have some inkling of how it was for you.
He went on to express curiosity – never having experienced anything like a breakdown – about what triggered mine.
I wrote back, and thought it might be useful to share that here:
There was a time I would not have believed it possible to feel that bad. One of the main reasons I made the pictures at the time was to acknowledge the unfamiliar feelings and face up to them.
I hate looking at those darker pictures, for pretty obvious reasons. I just hope they might be (weirdly) reassuring to others who feel something similar – “you’re not alone”, kind of thing.
I’m delighted that you were touched by the younger self elements. Me too!, if I’m allowed to say so.
Thank you, you-know-who.