4/4. What happened at Slaughter and May

Hello

Yesterday I told you about Jo and Gabby, who planned a lunchtime talk about mental health at the law firm Slaughter and May:

“From High Flyer to Rock Bottom,” they called it.

Looking back, I realise that they protected me from the pressure of knowing how many people were attending. Nor did they burden me with the fact that my session was to be a core part of the firm’s first-ever wellbeing strategy.

This is the fourth of four emails on this topic.
Read the first | second | third.

They simply encouraged me to believe that sharing my story might be helpful to others. That was all I needed to know.

I don’t know how they pulled it off, but somehow Gabby and Jo managed to fill a room with 250 people at a busy law firm where time is money. I’m not a novice at public speaking, and I know my session went well. I could see that in people’s faces. Nobody got out a phone, and nobody left early.

So: well done me. But much of the credit goes to Gabby and Jo, who set up all the arrangements. So many people wanted to attend! In fact, Jo and Gabby had to set up overflow rooms for livestreams – something that, pre-Covid, was virtually unheard of.

I later found out that this was the first time mental health had been spoken about so openly at the firm. My sessions (I did a follow-up) marked a significant turning point, Gabby told me recently. Most importantly, she said, the session gave others (especially partners) permission to share their own experiences. This was a huge shift for such a traditional firm.

Jo told me later that she’d been nervous: “There is nothing more scary than being the head of learning and development in a law firm where people charge for their time – nothing more scary than risking wasting their time.”

After that talk at Slaughter and May, I was invited to do similar events at other companies, including law firms such as Freshfields, Macfarlanes, Birketts, Clyde & Co, Trowers & Hamlins, Mishcon de Reya and Linklaters.

When Covid struck, I started doing the talks online. And that introduced a remarkable new development.

Sharing stories from attendees

In the Covid-era Zoom sessions, I told attendees they were welcome to share my story widely, with anyone they liked. “But please keep to yourselves anything I might say about the people around me, my family and friends who supported me, because this story is not about them.”

I pointed out that my request for confidentiality was impossible to enforce – but that I had chosen to trust them. “Please just type ‘I promise’ in the chat,” I said.

And the promises came in fast. It was quite overwhelming.

The really remarkable thing: having made a promise to me, attendees now trusted me with their stories.

For instance, I asked participants to message me directly in the chat if there was anything they were struggling with. “I’ll repeat the gist of what you tell me, but without identifying you,” I added. Some of the things participants shared were extremely raw. It was mesmerising for others to hear me say what someone else was going through.

I made a video immediately after one of those sessions, going into a bit more detail. If you watch, you’ll get a better sense of the mutual trust I’m describing here:

With lots of therapy, and the support of family and friends, I have come to see that I have been given a talent for writing and drawing – and that it would be very ungrateful to undervalue those talents. Our gifts aren’t just for us. They’re how we serve others. Sometimes our greatest struggles become our greatest strengths. It sounds glib, but I really believe it.

Thank you for reading my emails.

If you would like me to deliver a talk at your firm, download this guide and get in touch before I get booked up.

John-Paul

PS. If you know anyone else who might find them valuable, please share them. Word of mouth is so helpful. Thank you.