"You Can Stick It Up Your Jumper” | On Being Discouraged

This happened a couple of weeks ago. I was in a Zoom meeting, quite a big one, talking to the host. And while I was speaking one of the other participants posted something in the chat.

What she wrote infuriated me.

To understand why, you may need to look at these pictures, which I drew a few years ago.

They’re about my teens, and remain very important to me:

I wanted to be an artist. I won a prize for oil painting > for adults <. I was so proud. — When I was 14, I won a prize for an oil painting, in a competition for adults.

The mayor awarded it. I was 14. I felt very shy. — I collected my prize from the Mayor of Kensington and Chelsea.

But at a parent’s evening… “It’s very, very difficult to be an artist” said an art teacher (!). He seemed to be saying that my dream was basically impossible. — An actual teacher said that.

And soon after, my favourite teacher said: “Come on! You can’t keep drawing in your book! You’re an intelligent boy!" — I thought he meant that drawing pictures makes me an idiot.

I was reminded of all this today, while walking my beloved schnauzer Peanut.

We were in Elm Park, on the corner of Finchley Road and Hermitage Lane, but the location isn’t important. In my hand, I was carrying a notebook. I always carry a notebook.

As I flicked through it, I was reminded of that comment in the Zoom meeting.

X pissed me off (anti-testimonial).jpg — I had obviously felt the need to write it down.

I was really pissed off!

Reminder to self
My art has appeared in (among others) the following publications:

People who have sat in front of me so that I could make their portraits include

1) an Oscar-winning actor
2) a Booker Prize-winning author

Spontaneously, I found myself recording a bit of an outburst

I did it right there, in Elm Park.

Apologies in advance for the bad language, which I can’t quite restrain towards the end.

To put things into a slightly different perspective, my friend Hughie wrote this, after hearing my outburst:

Er, excuse me, you ARE an artist, always were.
But if that discouraging art teacher hadn’t been so naff,
we might never’ve had your books.
So I reckon the universe came out on top x

Thanks, Hughie. But all the same, I’m holding on to a bit of that angry motivation because that thing I announce at the end of the vid – I’m going to start very soon.

I’ve written five emails about it, to send out one a day over five days. I’m only sending those emails to people who actively request them.

If you haven’t done that already, you can sign up here:

Anyway, that’s all for now.

Thanks for reading / watching.